Fanfics: Get Over It

I don't know. Something just took over me. I know I told them to kiss and get over it, but I didn't know she'd actually do it! I just had to get out of there. I know I'm supposed to be tough and all but I just can't, not with all these emotions in me. I'm not supposed to have any! I told myself that I threw all my emotions away when I found out that I was Dauntless. I threw them all away. I don't have emotions. I don't have feelings. So why do I have the feeling that I'm in love?

I sprint across the halls leading to the dorms. I close the door behind me and flop onto my bed, burying my face into my pillow. I'm not crying, I don't cry. I don't really know how to, even as a child. I just find that doing this relaxes me. I hold my breath whenever I do this. It's as if all the things I'm feeling are being collected into my lungs and when I exhale they follow. I rarely do this. There's only one person that can ever make me do this.

I turn to my back, staring at the bed above me. Okay, to be honest here I'm not sure if I'm in love with Uriah. He isn't exactly my type. He always teases me and stuff. It just annoys the shit out of me. I say Uriah because it's the most logical thing, right? I mean I can't be in love with Marlene, right? First of all, she's my best friend. I know I'm supposed to be an emotionless pit of fuck but I couldn't care more about this girl. Second, even if I was the type to fall in love with girls, why her? Out of all the girls I can be in love with, I choose Marlene? I mean, there's that candor girl or that stiff from the initiates. Neither of them are my type either, but why Marlene.

I sigh out a little laugh and lie down in silence. Closing my eyes, I try to think of what I did earlier and what it could mean. So, I told them to kiss and ran away after they did. Maybe they'd think I like Uriah. That'd be good, right? I sit down and shake the feeling away. Definitely not good.

I hear door suddenly open and I sit up straight. Next thing I see, Marlene is walking to me. My heart grows heavy and, I guess as an instinct, drop myself onto my bed again. I don't look at her, but Marlene sits beside me, holding my shoulder. Her touch sends a small shock into my body and I couldn't help but get goosebumps. I don't say anything, there's nothing to say. I lie still, my eyes closed. "Why'd you storm out like that?" she finally says. I still don't say anything. I act as if she isn't there. "Lynn, you have to talk to me. Why'd you storm out like that?" I let out a heavy sigh and sit down. "I don't know." I say. I'm not lying because I really don't, but I'm not telling  her that I might be in love with her boyfriend.

She sighs and moves a bit closer towards me. I don't move. She lets go of my shoulder and takes my hand. "You know, you've been acting really weird lately." I look away, not answering her. "Whenever I'm with Uriah, you're angrier than your usual self." What, am I supposed to be happy when you're together? He's taking away our time together. You used to hang out with me all the time, Marlene, now it's always him. "You're always so mean to him when he does sweet things to me." Do you think I'd like it when he gets his filthy hands on you? "I don't know what else to think," I don't either, then she tightens her grip on my hand, "except to believe that you love him too."

"Wait, what?" I stand up and she lets go of me. "You think I'm in love with Uriah?" I say, looking down on her. Her eyes filled with so much innocence. I can feel myself turning red, not with anger but with something else. I don't know what it is, I'm just sure that I'm not mad. "I don't know? Maybe because you're always acting like a bitch towards him when he and I are together? Don't you think that everything you do just gives your feelings away?" She says with force. I've never heard so much pain from anyone, and I can't believe that I'm hearing it from Marlene. "Everybody knows that you like Uriah, okay?" She stands, her eyes leveled with mine. "Everybody knows how you feel about me and him." I furrow my brows, stepping back. "Mar, I'm unsure of how I feel. How can anybody say that they're sure of how I feel?"

"Then, why do you hate him so much? If you don't love him then..." How can she say that I'm in love with Uriah? There's nothing about him to love! He's just stuck up and so full of himself. He's too much like me for me to love. If I were to love someone, I'd look for someone my exact opposite. I'd look for someone that would always smile. I'd look for someone who isn't afraid to show how they feel. I'd look for someone who's just happy to see everyone. I'd look for someone that would stick around. I'd look for someone that wasn't afraid to be who they are. "Why, then?" she says. I'd look for someone so amazing I wouldn't be worthy to be called theirs. "Then why are you so mad at Uriah if you don't love him?" She says again. "Why are you so mean to him? Aren't you supposed to be my friend? You're supposed to be happy for me!" I already found someone like that. I found all those in Marlene. "With everything you're doing I just can't help but think that--"

"I'm in love with you!" I say. Her face turns from anger into confusion. "I'm in love with you." I say again, softer this time. I look her in the eyes, she doesn't avert my gaze. She just stares blankly back at me. "You're..." she manages to say. I don't expect her to take the news well. "I'm not even believing myself right now so I don't expect you to either, but I'm in love with you Mar. I probably have been for quite some time now." I say without thinking. I take a deep breath, "I guess I have nothing to do here anymore." I start walking away, leaving her behind.

I don't know what I'm doing but I have to get out of here. I don't want to hear what Marlene has to say about this anymore. Before I reach the doors, I feel something warm wrap around my waist and press against my back. I look back and see Marlene hugging me. "Mar." I whisper. "Lynn, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I didn't see this earlier." she says, tears forming in her eyes. I smile knowing how truly sorry she is but I feel even more pain, because she can't say that she feels the same way. "Mar, let me go." I say. She hesitates at first, but eventually she does. I walk away, not looking back. I'm not supposed to look back. I'm just supposed to move forward, just like the Dauntless. Nothing is supposed to stop me.

I go to the chasm. It's another place I go to just think. I stand by the railing and feel the water spraying at me. I just stand there like nothing's wrong, like the Erudite isn't there to strike any second.

I don't know how long I've been there. I don't know how long I've been standing and staring into the water, but something woke me up. Three words I never thought I'd hear. My heart starts racing, tears start forming in my eyes. I repeat the words but sound won't come out of my mouth.

"Marlene is dead."