Fanfics: Here I Am

I looked up at her as she hastily climbed the tree. "Kill her, Cato!" I shouted alongside Glimmer and Marvel. "Kill her!" I seemed to say although I didn't want her dead. For some particular reason I am unaware of the girl on fire has caught my attention. Backstage, while getting last minute preparations from her stylist, I couldn't help but look at her. The way her long wavy hair was tied back in an intricate bun, the way that black suit fitted her perfectly and when it was finally lit on fire it emphasized her... physique, I couldn't help but stare. Of course when she looked my way I instantly turned my head.

She's prey, I told myself, you can't afford to let your guard down Clove.

My attention snapped back when I heard a huge thump on the ground. Cato had fallen from the tree. "Why don't you just throw your sword?" the District 12 girl taunted. It seemed to get on Glimmer's nerves, she glared. She took out her bow and aimed at the girl atop the tree. (I refuse to say her name.) Glimmer held the bow with ease as if she'd been handling it all her life. Of course I'm pretty sure she had, just like Cato with his sword and me with my knives down at the academy back home.

Even with those hands so used to the feeling of the bow, she missed Twelve. When Cato grabbed the bow and an arrow from Glimmer's quiver I relaxed a bit more. Cato can't handle a bow. He's a monster with a sword but when you give him something else he has less precision than a monkey, to say the least. With that, he missed. Loverboy here, I had almost forgotten that he was with us, seemed shaky when he said, "We should just wait for her to come down." Everybody glared, including myself, but it seemed like the smart thing to do, "I mean she can't stay there forever, right? We'll get her then."

He seemed sincere enough. Cato had, thankfully, thought so too. He ordered one of us to start a fire and walked away with Glimmer. Marvel and I went the other way. As for Peeta, I didn't care.

Marvel and I walked aimlessly, looking for wood we could use. When I say 'Marvel and I', mostly I meant Marvel while I sharpened my knives a few paces behind him. Marvel wasn't so bad, he had a sense of humor and was almost kind. Still, Marvel was just another guy. "Hey, Clove," he shouted, stating that I wasn't my usual self. I simply nodded and continued with the knife in hand. He whistled one long high-pitched tone and started talking more.

"What do you think of fire girl?" He says, with an awfully disturbing grin as he licked his lips.

A shudder ran down my spine. I hated it when Marvel did that, but at the mention of her name a smile crept onto my lips. She had such a beautiful name although I forbade myself from uttering it, in fear of my own suspicion. Marvel looked at me again, a few pieces of small branches already in his arms. "Well, you're happy." I looked at him and wiped the smirk off my face. I rolled my eyes and turned around. Knowing myself, whenever someone caught me smiling I start turning red. I don't know why but I do. I can feel the cold grin locked on Marvel's lips, only this time he was grinning at me and not her.

"Something's off, little Clover." He stated. I hated it whenever called me Clover, though I can do nothing about it. I can feel the gears in Marvel's mind working, he's smarter than he appeared. I guess he shrugged whatever he was starting to conclude off and continued to talk. "Fire girl's got some moves, I'll give her that." I heard his feet walk away, I turned around and followed him, "plus she's pretty hot." At the mention of the world hot a part of me wanted to laugh her ass off, the other part wanted to scream to the world how beautiful she was and how hot didn't even cut it.

I did neither.

I simply nodded, the smile made its way onto my lips once more, and said "She is kind of cute..." Instantly Marvel stopped and turned around to face me. He dropped all the branches he carried and grabbed me by the shoulders. His reaction seemed a little too much for the statement. It's not like I confessed my love for...

"You, my little Clover, just told me you found fire girl attractive." I raised an eyebrow. His eyes were searching mine, for an answer I'm sure I didn't have. I noticed that I was holding my breath. Then he let go. "Kidding." He said again. My body relaxed and I released my breath. I tucked my knife down its case and into my pocket. "What was that for? You looked like an idiot." He simply chuckled his way through my question as he picked up his branches. The rest of the day went by quietly.

When night came, Peeta set a fire, Cato and Glimmer came back with some food from the camp (which was a long way out) and I sat down at the base of the tree. I lightly touched my shoulders, feeling the ghost of Marvel's grip earlier. The only thought inside me at that time was that he might think I liked Twelve, which to me was the craziest idea ever. Me? Have a crush? On Twelve? Ridiculous. Never had I fallen for another girl. Never had I fallen for anyone, period.

Feelings were foreign to me, except hate and anger. They're all I've ever known. The feeling of love distracted me. Cato had Glimmer. It would be obvious for me to fall for Marvel, but let's face it: I'm only 15. They're all 18. It's only three years but I found it very unsettling. Peeta is 16, but I refused to even talk to him. And so out of all the tributes, much less the people I had to fall for, I fell for her.

Then I noticed that it was already dark.

The dim light of the fire barely lit up the surrounding. I can faintly see all the others already sleeping while I stayed up. I looked up at the tree to where the District 12 girl is supposed to be. I took out two knives, stood at the base of the tree, and looked up once more. Slowly I glided my hand across the bark, the tree's tough skin. Outside, it was hard and protected the inside so strongly. Inside it was soft and sensitive, pretty much like me.

I climbed the tree, using my knives as anchors. After some time, for my body was not built to climb, I reach the branch where the girl on fire was. I didn't even try to sneak up on her, she had nowhere to run to. She was asleep. She didn't even hear me climb. I let it stay that way.

What do I do now?

I could kill her right there. Just one knife through the heart and she'd be gone. I wouldn't have to think about her anymore. My eyes stayed glued onto her, studying her features. Her face was filled with cuts and bruises, but it didn't make it less beautiful. The coat had shielded her figure, making her look a bit more stout than she was. My lingering eyes wandered down her leg where I noticed a deep wound, probably a burn. I wanted to treat it so badly, but I couldn't do anything about it. It's a miracle she fell asleep.

Then something came floating down from the sky. A parachute.

I looked at her before grabbing the item. I opened the case, it contained a small round object. Inside was a gel-like substance. Instinctively I took the medicine and rubbed it on Twelve's leg. I don't even know why I'm doing this. Why am I doing this?

The girl on fire (to me it translated literally now) barely moved. Her face though showed slight pain, but soon it relaxed. I continued to rub the substance on her leg, enough for it to cover the whole thing. My hand was stained with her blood. I held it near my face, a good distance away so I can still see it. I smiled and looked at the girl. Was it my imagination or did she smile as well? It took me all I had to lean forward and simply rest my lips on her forehead. I let it stay there for a few seconds too long before I pulled away and climbed back down.

I rested my head on the ground, eyes getting heavy. That encounter, I suddenly realized, was probably broadcasted to the whole of Panem. I am made a disgrace to District 2. I should care, I should feel ashamed, but I didn't. They never taught me to care. They never taught me to love, either.

But here I am caring for and in love with Katniss Everdeen, the girl on fire.