I sit down under one of the massive trees in the Amity compound. I rest my head on the soft bark and close my eyes. The breeze is cool and warm here. The air is very fresh. I stay still and try to relax. It's almost an exact year since the upbringing. I always stay in the Amity compound. I empty my mind and find myself thinking of Tris, that Abnegation-Dauntless girl. That stiff. I've been thinking of her more and more lately. She and Tobias, or Four or whatever (I'm still unsure of what to call him), are really hitting it off. After Will had died Tris is the only person in my mind now. Even before that she always seemed to stand out. She always caught my attention. She looks absolutely beautiful, gorgeous even. It bothered, no wait, it bothers me how I can think of her that way. I was never like that. How this girl can just come into my life and change my sexual preference? I don't know. I'm really unsure of what I feel towards that girl, toward Tris.
While deep in thought of the wonder that is the Dauntless stiff, the mood around my air seemed to grow heavier. Why does it feel like someone's watching me? I open my eyes and find a nice surprise in front of me across the path. Her blonde hair has grown out, just below her shoulders. She puts it in a braid and lets it hang loose. The tip of her bangs are touching her top eyelid, she slides it to the side. One thing really new to Tris is that she smiles now. Just the thought of it brought my lips to a curl, she smiles back and sits down beside me. I feel my face turning red, so I turn away and sigh. "Hey Christina," she says, "what brings you here alone?" I clear the lump in my throat and look at her, hopefully my face isn't red. "Nothing," I whisper, I don't know why I'm whispering. Like being with Tris is still a bad idea, "just thinking."
I force a believable smile, Tris isn't very good at reading faces so I guess I'll be safe. She looks at me with squinted eyes then sigh. "About what?" Her eyes are just begging me to tell her. I cover my mouth to stop a laugh, "I can't believe we're the same age, Tris." The thing about Tris is that she is 17-years-old now, she has the body of a 15-year-old, and acts like a 12-year-old. With that truthfully floating inside my head, she pouts. I let the laugh out and start tearing up. Pouting? Tris? They don't go well together. I look at her again and her expression turns into genuine sadness. My laughing sensation instantly disappears. "Tris?" I say. She does a little fake smile and positions herself upright beside me. "Tris, what's wrong?"
This girl is known for her mood swings, but I just can't seem to get over them. When she's sad, even for no reason, I'm sad too. When she's happy, I smile. When she's mad, I take the problem and make it mine. Of course that's what best friends do, and Tris is my best friend. She's my best friend, so why do I feel like there's something more? I shake the feeling away and concentrate back on Tris. She looks dead serious now. That's the Tris I know. I scoot in a bit closer to her and she takes my hand. She never does that. A rush of heat passed through me and in an instant I can feel my face turning red again. Hopefully the cold air can cure that quickly. She doesn't say anything after taking it. She stays still, much like everything else. I wonder what's bothering her? I squeeze her hand a bit as a sign of reassurance. She squeezes back.
Tris is firm in my grip but I can feel her shaking a bit. I can see that little girl inside her come out and take over. Tris looks so weak and vulnerable right now, and really she is anything but. I lay my head down on her shoulder and sigh. One of the things I absolutely know about Tris is that she loves feeling dominant, and this is one of the ways I can show her that she is in control of this situation right here. She runs her fingers through my hair. I let myself smile, I can already sense her feeling better. I look at her directly in the eyes. Their color was so deep it looked hypnotizing. I fix my position, giving us eye to eye contact. She smiles weakly. I lean in and pause for a moment. Do I kiss her?
I move in again. Her eyes are already closed. Is she expecting me to do this? I inhale at the last second and press my lips firmly onto hers. My hand involuntarily slides across her cheek, tucking strands of loose hair behind her ear. Tris's lips... so warm and soft. She places her hands on my shoulders. Maybe she's into it as well? I pull her closer. I sit up straighter. I kiss her deeper. I jerk away. She pushes me from her as hard as she can. A slight pain rushes through me and I move away instantly. She stands abruptly. Is she crying? What have I done? I just... I just kissed Tris. What do I do? What would she do? I stand up uneasily and stay in an awkward position. My hands start shaking of the fear of Tris leaving. I reach for her and she steps back. "Christina..." she says.
Now that I'm standing I can see she's not crying. That's a relief, but I can tell that she's scared. She's afraid of me now. Afraid that I'm in love with her. "Did you just kiss me?" Tris whispers almost to herself. I stand upright and firm. I have to keep my ground. I nod slightly, and she backs away even more. "I have to go." she whispers once more. She turns around and rushes through the garden, disappearing into the Amity buildings ahead.
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